We are a family.
1. Rock
solid families express appreciation.
Ephesians
4:29-32 29 “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good
and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who
hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live.
Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved
on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh
words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind
to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ
has forgiven you.”
a. Strong
families show approval to each other.
i. They
make each other feel good about themselves.
ii. They
build each other up.
iii. Strong
families do not tear down.
iv. This
doesn’t mean there is no place for correction or criticism.
1. What if
80% of our communication was positive and affirming?
b. Showing
appreciation allows relationships to grow, build self-respect, a sense of
accomplishment and self-reliance.
c. No
individual can live in an atmosphere of constant criticism.
i. If you
want to destroy something or someone great, criticize.
d. “The
deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” William
James
e. The
world needs cheerleaders, not just critics!
i. 1. Showing
appreciation to our spouses.
1. Stop the
flow of corrupt words.
2. Release
the flow of good words.
a. Predictions
of Divorce.
i. Criticism.
ii. Contempt.
iii. Isolation.
iv. Withdrawal.
2. Rock
solid families demonstrate appreciation to their children.
a. “The
essential function of a family is to provide a safe place in which children
build self esteem.” James Dobson
i. We tend
to become what the most important person in our lives thinks about us.
ii. Parents we
are idols to our children.
iii. Home is
where we confer the blessing.
iv. We bless
our children through words and touch.
b. In
addition to affirmation, all children need boundaries, discipline and
consequences for wrong behavior.
c. The
boundaries need to be clear, constant and consequential.
3. Rock
solid families demonstrate appreciation among siblings.
a. Siblings
should be required to respect, affirm, and appreciate each other.
b. The cautions
and teachings of scripture apply to the entire family including children.
c. Parents,
be careful how you compare siblings; instead prepare them.
d. Each
child with their own attitude, their own gifting, talents, abilities, strengths
and weaknesses.
i. Speak to
all of those.
ii. Guide
toward their natural and God given bend.
4. Rock
solid families demonstrate appreciation to their parents.
a. Children
should be free to express their feelings, but never show disrespect or dishonor
to their parents.
i. Parents
are ready to amen the mess outta me right here but we have to make sure parents
that we are more than doing our part before we expect others to do theirs.
1. Every
relationship is a two way street.
a. Stay in
the balance zone.
2. Otherwise
we’ll experience communication breakdowns, expectation gaps, and unlimited
disrespect flying with every word, action or deed.
b. Parents
it is our great privilege, our great responsibility, and our greatest weapon
into the future to be parental figures worth respecting!
i. What
does it profit a man or woman to gain the whole world while losing my own soul,
my own mind, my own will, and my own emotions is insanity.
Psalm
127:1-7 “1 Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted.
Unless the LORD protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. 2
It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. 3
Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him. 4 Children born
to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. 5 How joyful is the man
whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his
accusers at the city gates.”
c. Parents
must model the respect they require and desire.
d. We
create the atmosphere we live in.
Ephesians
6:1 “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is
the right thing to do. 2 "Honor your father and mother." This is the
first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother,
"things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth. 4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.
Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the
Lord.”
5. Rock
solid families demonstrate good communication.
James
1:19-20 19 “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be
quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not
produce the righteousness God desires.”
a. The
Benefits of Good Communication.
i. Practice
righteousness.
b. Use the
most spiritual words in the world: I’m Sorry, I love you, I’m proud of you…
1. Modeling
right living to my family is God’s ultimate vision for my life.
2. Way
above, way higher, way deeper than any thing else in this life.
3. The dominant testimony, the
greatest witness I have to the entire world of my love, my service, and my
commitment to Jesus Christ is in, to and through my family.
c. Promote
growth.
i. People
learn more when truth is shared in love.
ii. People
want to be challenged not just critiqued.
d. Produces
peace.
i. Why do I
want to live in a war zone?
ii. I can’t
connect to that on any level.
e. Be quick
to listen.
i. Good
Communication begins with good listening.
1. We
listen on three levels.
a. Ears–10%
of communication.
b. Eyes–60%
body language, gestures.
c. Heart–30%
feelings.
2. If we
will listen with our ears, our eyes, our hearts we will bring help, healing and
salvation to our city.
a. Suggestions
to aid us in good communication.
i. Face the
speaker.
ii. Lean
forward.
iii. Open
posture.
iv. Honor
personal space.
v. Maintain
eye contact.
vi. Relax
and be sincere.
ii. Be slow
to speak.
1. Speak
slow–Proverbs 18:13 “Spouting off before
listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”
2. Speak
softly–Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer
deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
3. Speak smart–Prov.
17:27
4. Speak
sincerely–Prov. 24:26
5. Speak
w/self control–Prov. 17:14
iii. Be slow
to anger.
1. When one
is swift to hear and slow to speak, you will be exercising self-control.
a. Which is
a fruit of the spirit.
b. Anger
does not produce righteous results.
2. Speak the
truth in love.
3. Show
respect.
4. Express
feelings.
5. Be
positive in tone.
6. Acknowledge
differences.
iv. The
average family communicates 17 minutes a week or 2:42 minutes a day.
6. Rock
solid families spend time together.
a. This is
not time together. Look at phone.
b. Have
date night.
c. Have
family night.
i. Have fun
and enjoy each other’s company, each other’s dreams, and encourage through each
other’s hardships.
ii. No work
allowed.
Deuteronomy
6:4-9 4 "Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. 5 And you must
love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your
strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to
these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again
to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are
on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie
them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write
them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
d. Time
spent together in the home is to teach, to talk, tie things down and impart
truth.
e. The
significance of the door post is going out & coming in, wherever we go.
f.
The significance of between the eyes is for our
“perception”, seeing truth.
g. Binding
on the hands is to “influence actions.”
i. Deut. 6:3
If we listen closely and be careful to obey scripture text says we are to
teach, talk and tie our values in our children and grand children, “that it may
be well with you.”
Deuteronomy
5:12 "Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has
commanded you.”
h. The
Sabbath is for families to rest, reflect, refresh, to spend time reconnecting
with each other and especially with God.
i. It’s my
responsibility to observe it for my family and I.
ii. So it’s
you’re responsibility to observe it for you and your family.
i.
We all face the struggle of time.
j.
I’m not supernaturally given more time than you.
i. Use our
time wisely, time management is important.
k. Daniel 7:25 speaks of a tactic used by the anti-christ
spirit already operating in the world is to “wear out” the saints.
i. 2 Peter 2:7 echoes that identical truth.
ii. In Mark 4:19 three primary causes of
stress for believers is given as: cares of this world, deceitfulness of riches,
and the desire for other things.
1. These
things choke out the word and wear out the saints.
l.
“Wear out” –to be spent, wasted, exhausted,
consumed, and unable to continue.
i. I refuse
to continually give my family leftovers.
ii. I will
give them the best of me, I will give them my attention, my understanding, my
patience, my guidance, my correction, and my love.
1. It’s
about fighting for your marriage it’s about fighting for your future, fighting
for their future, fighting the enemy of their soul and imparting the Spirit of
God, the Spirit of legacy, the Spirit of right living, and honoring our God, our
vow, and Christ’s sacrifice.
7. Rock
Solid families are built on consistency, built on sacrifice, built on care,
built on concern, built on God.
a. Don’t
stop investing, don’t stop encouraging, don’t stop praying, don’t stop
believing, hold onto that feelin!
b. Prayer
will help you find peace, it will help you find clarity, it will help you find
happiness, and it will help you make the right decisions, even when they are
the hardest decisions in the world to make, to you.
i. To do
His thing will cost you everything!
ii. There is
a service to others in family.
iii. There is
a deep spiritual, physical, emotional concern in family.
c. When
decisions are being processed I don’t run in and say everything I think,
everything I want, or everything I dreamed but I wait for the absolute perfect
time to speak and then I speak.
i. Consistency
is everything.
1. When
you're inconsistent they will be inconsistent.
2. If
you're consistent they will be consistent.
3. Start
young, stay committed, stay on target, stay on task God is faithful!
ii. We
raised them in church but what was your life like at home?
1. We're
you a mess, inconsistent, haphazard, even destructive or judgmental?
2. Or were
you living out a message, living out a purpose that's bigger than you, bigger
than our church and bigger than community?
a. Bring
them up!
b. Bring
them up in the fear and admonition of God.
c. Admonition
is a cautionary reminder.
d. I don’t
want my life and my activity to only speak ministry.
i. I want
it to speak family, destiny, I want it to speak purpose, structure, I want it
to speak life, compassion, and I want it to speak forgiveness and grace.
A Marine Corps sniper named Carlos Norman Hathcock II with
a service record of 93 confirmed kills nicknamed "White Feather",
because of the feather he kept in a band on his bush hat. After a platoon of
Vietnamese snipers was sent to hunt down "White Feather", many
Marines in the same area donned white feathers to deceive the enemy.
One of Hathcock's most famous accomplishment was shooting
an enemy sniper through the enemy's own rifle scope, hitting him in the eye and
killing him. When Hathcock saw a flash of light (light reflecting off the enemy
sniper's scope) in the bushes, he fired at it, shooting through the scope and
killing the sniper. Hathcock concluded that the only feasible way he could have
put the bullet straight down the enemy's scope and through his eye would have
been if both snipers were zeroing in on each other at the same time and Hathcock
fired first, which gave him only a few seconds to act.
During a volunteer mission days before the end of his
first deployment, he crawled over 1,500 yards of field to shoot an NVA commanding
general, uninformed of the details of the mission until he accepted it. This
effort took four days and three nights, without sleep, of constant inch-by-inch
crawling. Hathcock said he was almost stepped on as he lay camouflaged with
grass and vegetation in a meadow shortly after sunset. At one point he was
nearly bitten by a bamboo viper but had the presence of mind to avoid moving and
giving up his position. As the general exited his encampment, Hathcock fired a
single shot that struck the general in the chest, killing him. Forced to crawl
back instead of run when soldiers began searching for the General’s killer so
as to keep his life.
You
cannot talk defeat and expect victory.
